Demystifying the age-old gender mystique

As I write this, I have no doubt in my mind that I will be making a name for myself in the history books, joining the likes of feminist writer and academic Virginia Woolf, Nigerian writer and critic Chinua Achebe, the French writer Gustave Flaubert and a host of others. Many of who are critics, feminists and writers in their own right, talented individuals who have taken time from their very busy lives to lend their thoughts on this very topic. I do not intend to write a book or essay; neither do I wish to start a cult or religion. As a matter of fact this is and will be my first and last contribution to the age old gender debate.

I remember being a not so opinionated little Nigerian girl having to debate the topic ‘girls are smarter than boys.’ As one might expect, the boys in Primary school always seemed to think boys were a lot smarter than girls. Interestingly, the girls always argued girls were a lot smarter too. In high school it morphed into debate topics such as ‘men are stronger than women,’ ‘men are superior to women’; men are smarter than women or vice versa. Looking back, I did always struggle. It was difficult to debate in favor of anything else but femininity. I understand now because being a woman is all I know and still know. I cannot tell you how a man reasons, how he feels or thinks. There have been several ‘attempts,’ books such as Act like a Lady, think like a Man by African American actor turned writer Steve Harvey, Why Men love bitches by Sherry Argov and the very popular Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray are all generalized attempts at understanding a gender that (in my opinion) have a lot trouble understanding itself.

However, as I struggled to remove the lug nut from a friends flat tire last night, I could not for the life of me fathom why they had gone off to look for a man who could help us remove the nuts. I thought if I concentrated hard enough it would loosen up, irrespective of the fact that we had all tried earlier albeit unsuccessfully. Both girls returned minutes later with a great looking Indian man, tall and muscular with a beautiful smile. I watched on as he effortlessly removed the lug nuts, placed the replacement wheel onto the wheel studs and worked hard on tightening the lug nuts in place. When he was satisfied, he lowered the vehicle, removed the wheel lock and handed our equipments back to us without breaking a sweat. That moment was my Aha! moment. I have always tried to justify that a woman can do what a man can do and do it even better. Most of our debates always seemed to end that way. But what if we can’t? Does it matter? I cannot change a tire! I cannot lift weight, I cannot impregnate a woman, I cannot father a child, I cannot go bald, and I cannot have wet dreams. There are a lot of very male things that I cannot do. Trying to figure out why women and men cannot do similar things is like debating why there is a difference between light and darkness. There just is and always will be. They are very different yet they are so necessary and important. None is more superior to the other; none is smarter or less effective they both are just as important.

Please, I implore, pass this message to your husbands, pass this massage to your wives, spread the word throughout the east, and spread the word throughout the west. Let it be your watchword and mediate on it day and night. Caution your children; let them be guided by these principles now and forever. To my dear male populace, who beat their wives and lovers, daughters and sisters because you think she is worth less than you are! Cursed are you in the morning, cursed are you in the evening you scum of the earth!